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Separation and Money Matters

Someone once said “marriage is about love; divorce is about money." That is certainly a big part of the picture.

 When relationships are breaking down, the old patterns are repeated, especially when it comes to money.

 Decision-making processes that were difficult when the marriage was working, especially over money, quickly get tagged as “disputes” when separation happens.

But if the couple can realize that the term "dispute" does not have to characterize their current predicament, they can be guided through a review of ideas and options with the help of trusted advisers.

 There are new approaches to separation and divorce that make sure that everyone has all the available information they require and the time they need to understand it before any decisions are made.   You can change the old habits, if you have the help you need.

 

Separation and Divorce in a Bad Economy

The economic downturn seems to have an unexpected impact on divorce; as the economy dips, divorces decrease. And it may be that the financial expense of divorce is a factor in divorce rates.  Some recent studies show that marriages are lasting longer, and it does match up with the performance in the economy.

If you are trying to decide on separation and divorce, remember that the decision to separate is a process, not an event. In an economic downturn you can spend the time understanding what divorce will mean for you.  Have a good look at your lifestyle, your expenses and the cost of carrying your debt.  Work out a budget for yourself and your family in your current financial situation. 

When the time is right to take the first steps to divorce, you will be ahead of the game.

Why mediation works

Monday, October 23rd, 2006

Here are some thoughts about the value of mediation:

In considering how to go about separation, first ask yourself: "what is most important to me?".  Most couples value the certainty that their separation will not become a battle.  In my experience, clients tell me that the most stressful part of a decision to end a marriage or a relationship is the fear of the unknown. 

Here are a few reasons why choosing mediation can put the fear behind you:

1.In mediation, the mediator will assist you to look forward and to set goals for yourself that are reasonable.

2.Although it is normal to be tempted to blame one other for the failure of the relationship, the mediator is trained to keep the discussions centered on future outcomes and to test how each person's reasonable goals can be met.

3.Mediation is a level playing field.  Fear is often associated with the concern by one person that the other will be able to "outlast" them in a court battle, or "turn the children" against them.  The mediator will explain the importance of creating a budget for the mediation so that each person has equal access to the process.  The mediator will also help parents focus on the needs of their kids.

4.If there are children, there are mediators who specialize in creating plans and schedules so that parents can make realistic arrangements for their kids.

Inform yourself on the value mediation can bring to your situation.  And remember, mediation can help you in all aspects of your life, whether it is dispute with a neighbour, a work colleague, a teacher, etc.