Marion Korn - new template

Divorce Toronto Style

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Collaborative lawyers, family and financial specialists are starting to plan for an international conference in Toronto, in October 2007.  The last conference, which just took place in San Diego ,attracted over 600 collaborative practitioners!  This is an annual gathering for those committed to helping couples and families who are going through separation and divorce to resolve their differences respectfully.

The conference will help spread the word that divorce does not have to be a financially and emotionally devastating event.  And thousands of couples and families have already had the opportunity to experience the "good divorce" collaboratively.

The conference, which is sponsored by the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, will send out a loud message to our community.  "Divorce Toronto Style" means dignity, respect and practical solutions. 

October 26-October 28th at the Royal York Hotel.  Please watch the IACP website for details.

A useful book

For those of you who are interested in reading about separation without going to court, I recommend the book called: "The Collaborative Way to Divorce" written by Stuart Webb, the founder of Collaborative Practice, and Ron Ousky.   This book will help you understand how the collaborative process works.  You can evaluate the rewards and the challenges while getting acquainted with the ins and outs of negotiating a settlement with your spouse or partner.  Especially helpful are the examples of issues faced by others and how they can be dealt with in a non-court approach. This book can be ordered from Amazon.com and is reasonably priced.  Enjoy!

Article in Australian Journal on Collaborative Practice

Here is a copy of an interview I gave to a Law Journal when I was in Australia providing training to lawyers and others in Collaborative Practice.

Australia’s curiosity for collaborative approach

Australian lawyers are enthusiastic about adopting collaborative law, according to a visiting Canadian expert.

The new approach to divorce has swept the US, UK and Canada, and collaborative and family lawyer, mediator and trainer Marion Korn predicts it will also take off in Australia.

During a series of advanced and introductory level training sessions in Australia in July, Ms Korn said lawyers were also interested in whether collaborative law approaches could be used in other areas of practice.

“The model was developed almost exclusively as a family law model, but what matters is the core values of the model are applicable to any area of law. There seems to be great curiosity in Australia to move it to commercial and business law,” Ms Korn said.

Leading the charge on collaborative practice in Victoria, Law Institute of Victoria (LIV) president Cathy Gale attended Ms Korn’s three-day advanced training session in July.

She hopes Victoria would have 100 lawyers trained in collaborative law by February 2007.

Ms Gale said Victoria was in the process of registering a collaborative law trademark and the LIV would publish a brochure about the law for solicitors to give their clients.

Ms Korn said lawyers must realise the model focused on the future and resolving the dispute, particularly if children were involved. It was not about their own client’s needs.

“The major benefit to families is we cut them off from the possibility of rehashing [grievances], and as a result we’re cutting down on victimisation,” she said.

After studying collaborative law in 2000, Ms Korn quickly became involved in the training of lawyers keen to adopt the new approach.

She is part-way through a masters degree in dispute resolution, and will play a significant role in the operation of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals’ annual forum to be hosted in her home town, Toronto, in October 2007.

“I would like to see a panel of Australian lawyers at the Toronto conference,” she said.

The most significant tenet of collaborative practice is that the disputants and their lawyers sign a contract at the start of a matter stating that in no circumstances will they go to court [see “There’s no “I” in collaborate”, June 2006 LIJ, page 14].

Across the US, UK and Canada, collaborative law has about a 95 per cent success rate, Ms Korn said.

Divorce and the fear of change

After many years of working with families who are experiencing one of life’s most dramatic changes – separation and divorce – I have come to realize that facing change can often be more stressful than dealing with the hard emotions associated with the loss of a relationship.

For most couples who make the difficult decision to leave their relationship, the future looms as an unknown territory. Many women fear that they will have to struggle to survive, while men fear that they will be forced into poverty by support responsibilities. These reactions are normal.

Change itself is a constant state.  Someone once said that you cannot step into the same river twice. So, why is it so hard to confront personal fears about change when in the middle of a relationship breakdown? Is it a subliminal fear that change will stop?

Sometimes, the worry and uncertainty about the effects of change cause people to react by holding on to the present. How can the unknown be better than the familiar? The truth is that change will happen and it is much better to create change than end up chasing after it.

For many women, change is associated with aging. From physical changes, and family changes such as children growing up, to subtle health changes.  When all of this is coupled with the loss of relationship as well, it can be   overwhelming.

In helping women through the difficult transition of separation, I have met many who faced the challenge with great courage and vision.  Many left homes they had lived in for years, some went out to work for the first time in decades, a few were lucky enough to be able to follow their dreams.

The common thread for all these women was their ability to recognize that something better could come out of their new situation. They made opportunity for themselves because they recognized that they had the choice to make change rather than to be a victim of change.  They put their energies into constructive solutions and worked hard to get past the emotional and financial difficulties. They relied upon their own sense of integrity.

Some people have the luxury of exploring their options and making choices for change, but for others, change is foisted upon them and their choices are fewer. I have found that the key to maximizing my circumstances is to seek out opportunities that are a personal fit. I find that once I am sure of my decisions, it becomes easier to accept my circumstances.